Keith and Julie Must Hate Me

2015-11-20 07.53.00

Our friends Keith and Julie just returned from a trip to the Holy Land.  They wanted to bring something special home for my husband from Israel.  He has been there before and loved it.  He would like to return, but it has not been something that we have been able to do.  Well, they brought him home his very own piece of Israel.

A Shofar.

Someone please shoot me!

Our house borders on bedlam at any moment of the day.  Anytime you get seven kids cooped up, and they do anything other than playing the quiet game it is LOUD. One kid playing the piano, one kid on the violin, a couple boys running remote control cars through the house, someone shooting someone else with a nerf gun, and on and on it goes…

Even dinner time seems loud.  “I can’t find my fork!” and “Oops, what happened to my milk?” usually punctuate the din of normal dinner conversation.  It is LOUD.

Keith and Julie do not have children, and they enjoy their new, quiet, country home with their two cats.  Cats are not loud.  They live at the end of a dead end street.  It is NOT loud.  They NEED a shofar!  Maybe a drum set too….and a clarinet… and bagpipes….and a kid learning to play them all…and a yappy dog…

My house does not NEED a shofar.  BUT, we have one.

My husband was tickled pink with his new toy.  What guy wouldn’t like to use a smelly old animal horn to make obnoxious noises with?  He “practiced” loudly while we tried to chat.  He does turn a funny shade of crimson while trying to pump the needed air through the former head décor of that unfortunate animal that sacrificed himself for my husband’s amusement.  So the color change provided amusement for me.

This morning, he used it as an alarm clock.  We now have a ten-year-old who is not a shofar fan now either.

We took it outside for a picture. You know… a SILENT picture.  But, he instead he was tooting his own horn while outside. I am waiting for our house to get egged.

Keith and Julie, my dear friends, I do love you, but I will get you back.  I am thinking… pet skunk


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  1. Julie Cummings Reply

    Tancy, you are my dearest friend. I do not hate you, but as a Proverbs 31 woman, which I remind you that you yourself are diligently training many of us up to be, I have to honor my amazing husband…and when my amazing husband boards a plane and says, “I am so excited about getting JP a shofar. If we don’t get anything else, we have to get him a shofar; AND toast for him in the old city. It’s the ONLY thing he asked me to do,” what’s a Proverbs 31 wife supposed to do? I ask ya? What does she do? I’ll tell ya what she does, she takes the train to Ben Yehuda Street and walks to Danny Boy’s shop and stands behind her man as a second string haggler in case he needs her. Fortunately Danny Boy is a very reasonable guy and this wife walked out of the shop with a very happy husband holding two shofars. Our quiet cats are quite freaked out by their kitty daddy practicing on his new toy in the basement. They go instantaneously from dead sleep to “Holy Cheeseburgers, it’s the Apocalypse!” I didn’t know that my kitties’ eyes could get that wide nor their ears that flat. I’m a little disturbed by the feedback from their therapist. Okay, that’s a total fabrication. There’s no therapist. For the cats. They’re fine. Right now they’re sound asleep on my lap and the house is silent except for the low, hypnotic hum of the furnace. Yes, Tance. My home is quiet. I welcome you to come over and decompress at any time. I have two couches, multiple recliners and a guest bed…come and I will make you a snack and tuck you in for a nap. I recommend hiding all of the hand towels and grounding the girls from Pinterest first…maybe lock up anything else flammable too. You know, I’ll bet the kids miss Grandpa and Grandma ;-).