If you are a man, and don’t want to read about stuff related to NOT being a male… this post is not for you. My own husband is shaking his head. ( I really think he is fearful) I do not think we have too many men folk hanging around TanJu, but consider this your fair warning…
I am a woman.
I think when you are in your twenties and thirties you settle into a routine of thinking that this is what it is like to be an adult woman and this is how it is going to be. You might have a few babies, and you learn to live with a body that is never quite the same ever again even if you lose 400 pounds and buy Spanx. It just never… well… things just are not where they were when you were nineteen.
Then, your thirties slip away, and things start changing all over again.
I really had not thought about it too much until my DEAR FRIEND JULIE said to me one day, “Maybe you are in perimenopause! They say that can last like ten years.”
WHAT? Anything remotely related to menopause should not be anywhere on my radar because I am STILL in my thirties! (Well, at least for the next 166 days.)
Honestly, I was flabbergasted at Julie’s suggestion, but then she laid out her case.
I wanted to smack her. You know it was HER FAULT for pointing out the truth…. ( I honestly wish you could have seen the look on her face when I suggested this. It was truly a priceless moment.)
My sleep is off. My cycle is off. I cannot lose weight to save my life. I have pimples and patches of dry skin at the same time…. It’s like puberty all over again. How is it fair to go through that when you have kids who ARE going through puberty? There should be some sort of law that prevents THAT from happening! ( Insert Tancy’s whining voice here.)
My suggestion to you if you are in the nearly or early forties boat, DO NOT GOOGLE PERIMENOPAUSE!
For one thing, they give you such a list of potential symptoms, that you are nearly in a panic that you are going to have to check into a hospital to live out the next ten years, because apparently YOU are going to be miserable and everyone else around will end up MISERABLE too!
I will probably end up bald, with aching everything, carrying a small pharmacy in my bag, waiting to stave off the next panic attack, and dragging along my own personal cooler of ice for random periods of extreme heat. ( I actually can’t wait to see Tancy dragging along her own personal cooler if ice. I can see it being chained around her ankle. )
My mind wanders to all these women who have aged gracefully. They did it, I can do it too…However, I really do not do anything gracefully. I have heard people say “Its a good thing they didn’t name you Grace!” my entire life! If I cannot even walk gracefully, how am I going to to AGE GRACEFULLY?!?
Oh my word! They say panic attacks are a sign of PERIMENOPAUSE, IT’S HAPPENING….
So I quit googling, and I talked to my doctor… turns out that Julie might be right… I just do not know yet.
How is that fair? I have to deal with this AND Julie bragging about being right. I honestly don’t know why she doubted the fact that I might be right. I am most times…. very right.
If they tell me that Julie is on to something, I have a perfect idea. Since I did not get Christmas cards sent out this year I might just send “I’m Sorry” cards.
Dear Friends and Family,
Thank you for your lovely Christmas card this year. I am so glad to see your beautiful family doing so well. Our family is doing well also. However, I regret to inform you that I am now perimenopausal, and after reading the potential symptoms, things might be a little different for the next ten years. I very well might be bald and locked up in the looney bin sweating and panicking. It was nice knowing you. I expect to return to normal when I have ceased to have my period for twelve consecutive months., but until then I apologize in advance.
Hugs and Kisses,
I think we should all say a prayer for Jeremiah while she is going through this. He might need it more then Tancy does. If for some reason we can’t find him, maybe we should ask the crazy lady wielding a shovel and dragging the cooler around. She *might* remember where she hid the body.
Okay, women have been doing this for centuries, and they all survived. I doubt I will ACTUALLY send out my “Christmas” cards. We all will survive, and it is not the end of the world. I am pretty sure no one gets ALL 35 symptoms that I read about. I am pretty sure that I am not going to go completely insane. I am pretty sure I won’t REALLY carry a cooler….everywhere…. Life is about change. As soon as you get used to one thing, things change. If everything stayed the same, I think we would all be bored. I know I would be.